Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969.”
The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog crap, 20 feet back.”
An elderly man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: ‘Father ….during the Second World War a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.
So I hid her in the attic.
The priest replied: That was a wonderful thing you did my son; and you have no need to confess that. There is more Father …….she started to repay me with sexual favors.
And this happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.
The priest said: that was a long time ago and by doing what you did placed both of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstance’s can easily succumb to the temptation of the flesh. However if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are truly forgiven.
Thank you Father .That’s a great load of my mind.
But I do have one more question to ask you;’
And what is that my son?
SHOULD I TELL HER THE WAR IS OVER?????
A large group of lingering Taliban soldiers is moving down a road when they hear a voice from behind a sand dune:
“One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 10 Taliban!”
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle erupts, then silence.
The voice then calls out, “One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 100 Taliban!”
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and, instantly, a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out once more, “One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 1,000 Taliban!”
The enraged Taliban Commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle rages. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and, with his dying words, tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men! It’s a trap—there are two of them!”
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, “Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off.”
The English prisoner said, “Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing.”
The German replied, “Ya, that vill not be a problem.”
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, “Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.”
“Ya, that will be done,” says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, “Well, could you do the same as before.”
The German replies, ” ya.”
The next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just…”
The German snapped, “No! We think you are trying to escape!.”
During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. “No, Daddy, please don’t go!” he kept repeating.
We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, “Let Daddy go and I’ll take you to get a pizza.”
Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, “‘Bye, Daddy.”
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.
“How are we faring?” asks the king.
“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”
“What?!” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”
“Oh, no…” says the knight. “Well, you do now.”
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969.”
The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog crap, 20 feet back.”
