Little Mary Margaret was not one of the best student in her Catholic School.
because she often slept through the classes.

One day her teacher, a Nun, noticing she was sleeping, shouted,
‘Mary Margaret! Who created the universe?’

When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny, her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

‘God Almighty!’ shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, ‘Very good, Mary Margaret’, and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun, believing Mary Margaret was dozing off again, shouted,
‘Mary Margaret, who is our Lord and Savior?’

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and jabbed Mary Margaret
in the bum.

‘Jesus Christ!’ shouted Mary Margaret and the teacher said, once again,
‘Very good.’ And Mary Margaret very soon fell back to sleep.

The Nun, amazed that she seemed to be paying attention, asked her a third question.
‘What did Eve say to Adam after they procreated their twenty-third child?’
Again, Johnny came to the rescue with his pencil.

Mary Margaret, furious, jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that
damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’

The nun fainted!

How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?
Because all of the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.A.

During a game of “couples” golf…….

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to
place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded.

“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,
“For the sake of decency, here’s £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Scot’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
“Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers woman!” She replies,
“You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”
He reaches into his pocket and says,
“Well, fer the love ‘o Jasus, ‘n the sake of decency, here’s £20.
Go and buy yourself some!”

Lastly, the Irishman’s wife bends over.
The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
“Sweet mudder of Jesus, and all that’s sacred woman! Where the feck are yer knickers?”
She too explains, “You don’t give me enough money to buy new feckin knickers.”
The Irishman reaches into his pocket and says,
“Well, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit will ya!”

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Australian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.”

When the Australian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” he replied.

“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don’t stop.”

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fibre net.

Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing…

They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

- Phone Call:

Italian Mother: “Hello?”

Daughter: “Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?”

Italian Mother: “You’re going out?”

Daughter: “Yes.”

Italian Mother: “With whom”

Daughter: “With a friend.”

Italian Mother: “I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.”

Daughter: “MOM, I didn’t leave him. He left me!”

Italian Mother: “You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.”

Daughter: “MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?”

Italian Mother: “I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.”

Daughter: “There are lots of things that you did and I don’t.”

Italian Mother: “What are you hinting at?”

Daughter: “Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight..”

Italian Mother: “You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?”

Daughter: “MA its My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!”

Italian Mother: “So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place?”

Daughter: “MOM, He’s not a loser.”

Italian Mother: “A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.”

Daughter: “MA, I don’t want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?”

Italian Mother: “Poor children with such a mother.”

Daughter: “Such a what?”

Italian Mother: “With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.”

Daughter: “ENOUGH MA!!!”

Italian Mother: “Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!”

Daughter: “Great MA, Now you’re worried about the loser?”

Italian Mother: “Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him immediately.”

Daughter: “Goodbye, mother.”

Italian Mother: “Wait! Wait! Don’t hang up! When are you bringing them over? ”

Daughter: “I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!”

Italian Mother: “If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

Average Iraqi

Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of
the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors

Average American

Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme
park

Average Iraqi

Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation

Average American

Willing to participate in People’s Choice Awards

Average Iraqi

Lines up by the thousands to die for country

Average American

Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

Average Iraqi

Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo
by West

Average American

Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn’t include
McCookies

Average Iraqi

Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise

Average American

Believes if, in a dream, you don’t wake up before hitting the
ground, you die

Average Iraqi

Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest

Average American

Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

Average Iraqi

Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius

Average American

Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein