1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog.” 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.”
26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.”
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.” 34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write “X - BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.” 62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about “psychological profiles.”
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

First person: Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world?

Second person: What about him?

First person: Well, he drowned.

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you a wish,” the genie said.The man said, “I want a spectacular job, a job that no person has ever succeeded at.” “Poof!” said the genie, “You’re a housewife.”

There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim’s Grocery Store.
The owner Tim doesn’t know what Junior’s problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel — they say — because it’s bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, “Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”

And Junior said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d quit doing it!”

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old man went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.”

The next day it rained.

A week later, the old man went up to the director and said. “Tomorrow storm.”

The next day there was a hailstorm.

“This man is incredible,” the director said. He told his secretary to hire the old man as a weather forecaster. However, after several successful predictions, the old man didn’t show up for two weeks.

Finally, the director sent for the old man. “I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and I’m depending on you. What will the weather be like?”

The old man shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he said. “The radio is broken.”

1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER????

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

‘Mom,’ he asked, ‘Are these my brains?’

‘Not yet,’ she replied.

A salesman telephoned a household, and a four-year-old boy answered. Salesman:
“May I speak to your mother?”

Boy: “She’s not here right now.”

Salesman: “Well, is anyone else there?”

Boy: “My sister.”

Salesman: “O.K., fine. May I speak to her?”

Boy: “I guess so.”

At this point there was a very long silence on the phone.

Then: Boy: “Hello?”

Salesman: “It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.”

Boy: “I tried. But I can’t get her out of the playpen.”

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”.

The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.

” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says ”

OK, now what?”

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating — always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean a mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in colour, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A 6-year-old and 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6-year-old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”

The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.

The 6-year-old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with ‘hell’ and you say something with ‘ass’.”

The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm and they head down stairs.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw hell, Mom. I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”

Mom slaps him — Whack!

The older boy flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay in there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do you want for breakfast, young man?

“I don’t know,” he blubbers. “But you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”

And the father replied,

“I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist — they don’t expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It’s lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.
20. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30. You can’t have everything; where would you put it?
31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
35. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
36. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39. My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
41. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42. I’ve only been wrong once, and that’s when I thought I was wrong.
43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44. I don’t find it hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
46. Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48. National Atheist’s Day April 1st.
49. All generalizations are false.
50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51. Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
52. If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
55. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
57. I can handle pain until it hurts.
58. No matter where you go, you’re there.
59. If everything is coming your way, then you’re in the wrong lane.
60. It’s been Monday all week.
61. Gravity always gets me down.
62. This statement is false.
63. Eschew obfuscation.
64. They told me I was gullible…and I believed them.
65. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
66. According to my best recollection, I don’t remember.
67. The word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary.
68. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73. A day without sunshine is like, night.
74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75. Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
76. Gravity: It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!
77. Life is too complicated in the morning.
78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic — ten out of ten die.
79. Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.
80. Ask me about my vow of silence.
81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
85. If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.
86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87. Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
88. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89. Who is “General Failure” and why is he reading my hard disk?
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
93. I didn’t use to finish sentences, but now I
94. I’ve had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96. Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”
97. Evolution: True science fiction.
98. What’s another word for “thesaurus”?
99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY. A deeply unattractive person.

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a ‘home business.’

SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box.’

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.. Decisions that fall from the ‘adminisphere’ are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded ‘administrivia’ - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message ‘404 Not Found’ meaning that the requested document could not be located.
AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

OH-NO SECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’).

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH . A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ‘Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!’.

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got 4 buttocks.

Thought it would be a good idea to advertise on the rear of a bus

Their planning did not take into account the position of the exhaust pipe.

A guy was walking down the street and saw Little Johnny smoking a cigarette.

He said, ‘Kid, you’re too young to smoke. How old are you?’

Johnny said, ‘Six.’

The guy said, ‘Six? When did you start smoking?’

Johnny said, ‘Right after the first time I got laid.’

The guy said, ‘Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?’

Johnny said, ‘I don’t remember. I was drunk.’

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ”May I borrow a highlighter?”

2. ”Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. ”Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”

5. ”Damn, this water is cold.”

6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

7. ”Now how did that get there?”

8. ”Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.”

9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,”Whoa! Easy boy!!”

10. ” Interesting….more sinkers than floaters”

11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,”Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?”

12. ”C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!!”

13. ”Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”

14. ”Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”

15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ”Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.

17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ”Peek-a-boo!”

18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ”Born Free.”

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, “Mommy, I got five dollars!” The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ”Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, “Don’t you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties.”

”OOOOhhhh” said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, “Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, “Where did you get the ten dollars from?”

The little girl replied, “Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed.”

The mother replied, “Didn’t I tell you that he is…”

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ”Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn’t wear any panties today.”

What does Britney Spears and Pepsi have in common? They both come with plastic jugs

–That comment about Elton being “twice the woman” she ever was. –Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.

–Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.

–Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants…

–Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON.

–Overheard 5-year-old daughter shouting, “Faggot!” while watching “Mr. Rogers”.

–Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.

–I mean come on, people. . . the dude LOST TO STEELY DAN!!!

–Thanks to a recent surgery, her head’s no longer implanted deep within her own rectum.

…And The Top Reason Eminem’s Wife Filed For Divorce. . .

–Sick of dating a rich, famous, abusive bastard. Would like to try a poor, unknown abusive bastard for a change.