A blonde from Arkansas is going on her first overseas trip. She drives all the way into Little Rock to apply for a passport. In the passport office, the government official sees that she is visibly puzzled filling her passport application. The passport official looks over her shoulder and sees the blonde trying to write ‘twice a week’ into the small space labeled ‘SEX’.

The official explains: “No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or ‘Female’.”

“Doesn’t matter,” the blonde answers.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,

“I’m going to try to swim to shore.” So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore
was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the six o’clock news on television. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”Anyway, sure enough, the man jumped The blonde gave the redhead $50.The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”The blonde said, “No, a bet’s a bet.”So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on TV on the five o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”The blonde says, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks to see her driver’s license.

She replied in a huff: “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, “What is a seven-hundred-ten?”
She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..” She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked “is there a 710 on this car?”
She pointed and said, “Of course, its right there.”
If you’re not sure what a 710 is look below

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine?
A: “Daddy! can I go to Miami!

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: There are some things even a blonde won’t do.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

Q: What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: Why can’t blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
A: “Mary… that’s cute. What did you name the other one?”

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: “Thanks, guys!”

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde, she’ll read it very slow.”

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, “You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much.”

The woman says, “Okay. Give me a nice house.”

The genie replies, “You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two.”

The the lady says, “Give me a gorgeous man.”

The genie replies, “You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two.”

The lady says, “For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it.”

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your butt!”

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the
next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard
barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of
this”. She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says
“The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?”

The blonde says, “I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see
how THEY like it!