May
1. You’d rather have a pencil driven through your retina than be exposed to sunlight.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to “Stay still.”
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You’re convinced that the chirping birds are Satan’s pets.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, “Step right up and give it whirl!”
8. All day long your motto is, “Never again.”
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to “Good morning,” is “Shut up!”
