Welcome to Horizon Drugs, your one-stop discount pharmacy,
where our aim is to provide top quality products and help you
save money off the high costs of medications.
Ordering is simple and convenient. Select your medications,
use our secure checkout process, and your order will be delivered right
to your home! Avoid the inconvenience of traveling to a pharmacy.
Click here to order now Horizon Drugs
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22. I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
I was testing the children in my Newfoundland Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.
I asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?’
‘NO!’ the children answered.
‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?’
Again, the answer was, ‘NO!’
By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! ‘Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?’ I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, ‘NO!’
I was just bursting with pride for them.
Well, I continued, ‘then how can I get into Heaven?’
A six-year-old Newfie boy shouted out YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN’ DEAD.
The question is, What does a 320-pound woman look like?
Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like….
Don’t tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway
-but the Hershey Man will know! YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute
Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 — I’ll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..
If you haven’t, add 1758.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ‘Steve’s Place,’ and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, ‘Why the spoon?’
‘Well, ‘he explained,’the restaurant’s owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.’
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. ‘I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.’ I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, ‘Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?’
“Oh, certainly!’ Then he lowered his voice. ‘Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, ‘After you get it out, how do you put it back?’
‘Well,’ he whispered, ‘I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.’
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,
But they only know how to say one thing. What do they say? the priest inquired.
They say, Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
That’s obscene! the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
‘You know, he said, I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying . .
That phrase . . In no time.
Thank you, the woman responded, this may very well be the solution.
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
“Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!’
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay Room 302.”
The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.” After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”
The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit.”
When your husband or boyfriend does something that makes you angry; Don’t give in to the temptation to argue, fuss and fight!
Just count to ten, remain calm & after he goes to bed, Super-Glue his flip flops to the floor.
At a Senior Citizen’s luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?”
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat !
When they finished, the man couldn’t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he’d had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, “Up or down ?”
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.
She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, “Up or down ?”
The woman replied, “Down.”
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, “Up or down ?”
She replied, “Up.”
This really confused the gentleman so he asked, “What’s the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!”
She replied, “Well, yesterday I wasn’t wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown.”
Welcome to Horizon Drugs, your one-stop discount pharmacy,
where our aim is to provide top quality products and help you
save money off the high costs of medications.
Ordering is simple and convenient. Select your medications,
use our secure checkout process, and your order will be delivered right
to your home! Avoid the inconvenience of traveling to a pharmacy.
Click here to order now Horizon Drugs
