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Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

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A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

“Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. “May I ask who you are?”

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “I’m the landlord,” he sobbed.

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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”

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Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, ‘Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’!’
Wife replies, ‘No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’!!!’

Importance of a period
Teacher: ‘Do you know the importance of a period?’
Kid: ‘Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.’

Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, ‘What is the difference between confident and confidential?’
Dad says, ‘You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential!’

Anger management?
Husband: ‘When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?’
Wife: ‘I clean the toilet.’
Husband: ‘How does that help?’
Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush.’

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

*Dad:* People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

*Mom*: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

*Son*: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

*Maid*: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones

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An elderly couple sat in their porch rockers watching a beautiful sunset and reminiscing about the good old days. Suddenly, the wife turns to her husband and said “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and how you would just casually reach over and take my hand?”

The man looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her hand in his..

“Honey, do you remember how, after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and surprise me with a kiss on the cheek?”

The man slowly leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek.

Growing bolder, the wife said “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”

The man rose from his rocker and headed into the house. Confused, the woman asked, “Where are you going?”

“To get my teeth,” he yelled.

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